The Second Agreement

But when we begin to adopt the first agreement, “Be irrepromible with your word,” we become happier and more at peace, more control. If we have more internal strength, it will be easier to adopt this second agreement. The second agreement invites us to recognize that we are all working from the point of view of our own unique experiences. My perspective is different from your point of view, and while we share a multitude of commonalities and connections, your actions, thoughts and words are not for me. Whatever a friend posts on IG, tells me over coffee or thinks about how I dress, for example, it`s not about me. (Emphasize, because it`s still pretty hard for me to see, and my guess is that I`m not alone.) When I take something that a friend does personally, I focus, I used myself, I used limited information to reach conclusions, and I ignore their experience and perspective. Besides, I tell myself lies. Watch last week`s play on how she can apply the first agreement to friendship. Then come back and find out more about the second agreement.

The second chord seems strangely simple: “Don`t take anything in person.” But so many of us are sensitive and defensive, designed to repel the negativity that the world throws at us. This is the second chord of Don Miguel Ruiz`s classic,”The Four Accords.” All of this said that if you are in friendship with someone whose words or actions harm them, it is healthy to set limits, create boundaries and honor you. You can experience great feelings, and these are all real and valid. Feeling hurt doesn`t mean taking something personal. However, in the healing process, it will be important to practice this agreement and ensure that the person`s actions were not above you and/or your worth. These first two agreements free you from many bad arrangements that have disrupted your life. Finally, carefree words, combined with very ardent people, will inevitably bring drama. I think all four are equally important, this agreement has had the greatest impact on my life…. Even if a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you.

What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give correspond to the agreements they have in their own minds… If you take things in person, you make easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can easily associate you with a small opinion and feed you, whatever they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it on… If you hold this agreement, you can travel the world with your heart and no one can hurt you. They can say “I love you” without fear of being ridiculed or rejected. You can ask what you need. This will be fully in our minds, with the opinions of others and our judgments about ourselves. It is a real problem if our internal dialogue becomes too strong, too crowded and negative. Our throes of a whole spirit becomes a huge market place of agreements that do not all agree; Too many voices are expressed at once and tarnish our thinking. Some of my favorite takeaways from this deal: -Don`t eat the emotional garbage of others! – Stop inflicting unnecessary suffering on me. – Choose to always follow my listening.

This deal is so hard for me. I have always considered myself strong and confident, authentic and confident. Recently, when I really tried to get out of my head and realize how scared I was to disappoint someone. I try to show people what they want in me, because they are only the parts of me that they accept and approve of, and they hide the real me. Of course, this is because I take almost everything personally. It`s an opening of the eyes to see that… And yet, I don`t know how to change it. How can I believe that I am good enough or even wonderful enough? And if it were me, others wouldn`t see that? I feel like when I tell myself I`m doing things, another of my mental tricks.